As I got off the phone with the Nurse, her peppy “Congratulations” as she told me I am in fact pregnant kept ringing in my ears.
Did this really just happen?
Am I really having a baby?
In that moment, the fear, desperation and hopelessness that encompasses dealing with infertility dissipated and was quickly replaced with joy, excitement and happiness.
I looked at my stomach, put my hand on my belly and said “Okay baby let’s do this.”
First call was to My Leading Man. He had already texted and called multiple times throughout the day to see if I had gotten any news. While he always tries play cool, I knew he was just as anxious as I was to get the news we were hoping for. He answers. I tell him that the news is good and he starts giggling. It is his funny-I-feel-a-little-awkward-and-I-don’t-know-what-to-say-giggle, which basically meant he was elated.
Once we got off the phone, I took a moment to soak it in. I thanked the Universe by closing my eyes, looking up to the sky and said “I am ready to take on whatever comes my way.”
And with that our Journey to Baby, really began.
I woke up early Monday morning. I wanted the news and I wanted it now. Unfortunately, I had to wait until 8:30 AM before the fertility clinic opened to find out if we were or were not pregnant. I called right at 8:30 AM, no response. 8:35 AM, no response, 8:40 AM, no response, 8:45, finally they answer the phone and connect me to the Nurses direct line. A few rings and I get voicemail. You have got to be kidding me. Clearly no one at the fertility clinic cares about me getting my news as much as I want to hear it!
A few painfully slow hours later, the nurse calls me back. I miss the call. I was in a meeting.
An hour later, I call the Nurse back only to get her voicemail again. This is getting ridiculous. I am ready to hop in my car and head straight into the feritility clinic and demand my results. Don’t these people know that I have been agonizing over these test results for the last 48 hours!
Luckily, I didn’t have to take matters in my own hands.
The Nurse called back. She gave me the news I have been longing to hear.
I am pregnant.
The weekend passed painfully slow. My Leading Man and I tried to keep ourselves busy by shopping, trying new restaurants, watching movies and what ever else we could think of that was sufficiently distracting. Unfortunately, no amount of distraction worked. All we wanted to know is would we or would we not get the news we wanted? Would we be pregnant? Would we be on our way to a family or would we be back to square one, back to fertility treatments, back to getting our hopes up only to be let down?
In our own way we were prepped for either scenario. Of course being pregnant would be amazing and exactly what we hoped for. Yet we are both very grounded in reality and knew from the experiences of our friends and acquaintances that these treatments do not always work on the first attempt. We kept hearing stories of couples trying time after time with unsuccessful results. I didn’t have to look much further than the desperate look of other patient’s faces in the fertility clinic’s waiting room. They had clearly been down this road before and had experienced all of the emotions we were now experiencing.
My Leading Man kept reassuring me that no matter the result we can handle it. If we are pregnant, that would be a huge blessing and we will move happily into a completely new phase of our lives. But if we are unsuccessful, we will just keep trying and trying and trying until it works. With so many options available to couples these days, he just believed that something would have to work at some time.
His reassurances seemed practical and slightly disheartening all at the same time.
One more sleep until I know if it is Mom-to -eb or try-try-again.